Sometimes when your big blue eyes are staring up into mine I wonder what you see. How do I make you feel? How do you view me? How will you view me in 10yrs? 15yrs? 20yrs? Will I personally be able to be the woman I want YOU to be someday? I know many of my personality traits will be yours someday and it petrifies me. I want you to respect me, but not only because I’m your mother and you have to, but also because I have earned it through my actions. These thoughts play a large role in my recent desire to work on certain areas of my life. I want you to look up to me with admiration, as someone who is caring, giving, trustworthy, forgiving, patient, and a variety of other admirable traits. Not as someone who is a hypocrite and does not back their words with actions. I do not want to look back when I am older with regret and wish I had done things differently.
Some of my hopes for you…
I hope for you to be meek and humble, but not let others walk all over you and use you.
I hope for you to be gentle and caring, but be able to take care of yourself.
I hope for you to be quick to forgive and forget, however avoid those who continually hurt you.
I hope for you to be submissive, but find a husband that treats you as gentle and caring as your daddy does me. I hope for him to be someone who will take care of you and help keep your family on the path towards the greatest and most valuable prize that comes after this life has ended.
I hope that you are dependable and that others trust and lean on you because they know you’ll be there and will be strong for them.
I hope that you are always strong enough to stand up for what you believe in, and be a leader rather than a follower.
I hope that you are sweet natured and not outspoken or aggressive.
I hope that you find happiness in all that you do in life. Always remember, happiness is what you make it. I firmly believe that.
Ever since I was a young child I looked up to my Grammy with such admiration, always hoping to just be half the woman she was. Her image has always been seared into my mind of what the ideal Christian woman looks like. Still to this day her example encourages me to constantly examine myself and realize areas of my life that I should be better and working harder at, which are many. I am so thankful that you will have your Nina and Nonna as wonderful Christian examples to look up to someday, to fill the void of areas that I have failed you. I hope that you admire them as much as I always have my Grammy and hold them in high esteem. You also have numerous wonderful examples from young women at Church that you will have around to watch as you grow into a young woman yourself. I am especially thankful for your Auntie Rach’s recent move to the area. While I was growing up your Auntie Ape, Rach, and I always leaned on each other and strengthened each other spiritually and in many other ways. While they are not truly my sisters, or your aunts, that is what you will always know them as because they WERE my sisters growing up in every way except that whole having the same parents thing. We’ll just forget that minor detail. : ) I know they will be awesome examples for you someday and I’m so glad you will have them.
The woman you are going to be someday is starting to develop right now. The things you see, hear, and experience are already shaping who you are. I’ve always had the attitude that if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it right. Therefore, I’m trying my hardest to do this whole parenting thing “right,” but the truth is, seldom is there any black or white “right” in parenting. My end goal is to do my best to be the person I should be, and from guidance (in various forms, some physical, and some not. Haha) and example, hopefully you will be the person you should.
I cannot put into words the love I feel for you. When I look down at you asleep in my arms emotions run through me that I have never felt before. They’re unexplainable and amazing. It’s a feeling you’ll only understand someday when you have a child of your own. I can’t help but want the very best for you, and I hope that I am capable of providing that.
Hopefully tomorrow I will complete the post about all the fun new things you are doing and what your personality is like right now. You’re growing up so quickly, too quickly, I suppose I cannot keep you a baby forever though.